Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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