Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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