you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
