sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
