i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
vagina is talking i cant
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
