he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and she was petting her beer can
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
