ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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