Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
