It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
