every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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