***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
