I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
