why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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