I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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