never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
