Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
