She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
