The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
