direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
