I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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