My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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