your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
