so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
