big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
