ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
