My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
