Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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