listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
