I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
