We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
