I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
