Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
not ubering you a puppy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize