Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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