watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
