they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
