I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
