You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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