At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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