worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
