Screwed.edu
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he thought i was a dude.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
