i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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