I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
