Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
