oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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