We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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