Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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