I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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