I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's never too late to be topless.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
