Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
