i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
