In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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