I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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