Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
