I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
