I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
