some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's shark week go big or go home
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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