i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
