Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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