My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wish there were birth control emojis
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
