Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize