and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
