You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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