They should really pass out barf bags in church
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
