Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
