I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i believe in u and ur pee
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