And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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