Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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