i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
