fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
