I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
