He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
