Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
