Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
