i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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